Here’s your next snippet! This one is one of my favorites, because we get deep into Markhoff’s head and his ‘misbelief’ toward his father. And technically I switched from my 3rd person close narrative at the end, but I felt that added more feeling to the snippet.
Snippet Six
His father stopped next to him, his face black as thunder. Markhoff dared not move or speak, and he hardly dared to breathe.
“What have you done to this tree?”
“Father, I’ve been using my gift!” Markhoff felt his fear slipping away in his eagerness to show his father his talent. He’ll be proud of me, say I’m better than Erumend.
Markhoff held up a rock.
The King looked interested, surprised for a minute. I have to turn it into something really impressive. Like a . . . a Crocoprick! That’s it!
Markhoff concentrated, forcing his Gift into the stone. It began to form the crocoprick he intended, but the tiny rock had a stubborn will. It bucked against him, as if trying to shake loose the magic. Markhoff realized he was trembling in the effort to bend it to his will. He was too focused to risk a glance at his father.
Finally, it was done. The tiny little figure was a detailed crocoprick, jaws open in agitation as if it were trying to snap at Markhoff. Markhoff looked into his Father’s eyes, searching for approval.
Father’s jaw had dropped as he stared at Markhoff. Markhoff grinned, “Pretty impressive, huh?”
“Markhoff! What have you been doing? You can’t bend things to your own will like that! I saw what you did, that was not what your gift is for. You see what you have made?” he motioned to the crocoprick, “This piece is angry. Look at it! Its jaws are open at you in anger! You aren’t supposed to bend things to your will. You must listen to the Creator, and what he wants it to be. Resisting that is resisting the very thing that gave you the gift. Markhoff, my son, what have you done?”
Markhoff looked at Father. Slowly, the words sank in.
His father wasn’t impressed.
His arm went slack to his side, the crocoprick falling to the ground. He stared at his father, breathing hard. His father held his gaze. Markhoff couldn’t bear the disappointment in his eyes.
“I just wanted to make you proud!” Markhoff said in a voice that surprised even him.
Nothing he did was good enough. He might as well forget it. Erumend was the favorite. He, Markhoff, was a disappointment. Unable to match up to his own brother.
Markhoff wanted to be angry, but he found himself holding back a sob. It doesn’t matter. I. don’t. care. He ran off toward the castle, intending to lock himself in his chambers.
The King, looked after him, bending down to pick up the small stone crocoprick. He ran his fingers over it and turned it over in his hands.
“Why is it so hard for him to understand, Creator? Why is it so hard for him to realize that he’s meddling in dangerous things?”
The King threw the crocoprick as hard as he could, as if doing so would somehow make Markhoff understand.
The small figure flew through the air until it smashed into the wall, shattering into small stone shards.
Krafting with Kayleigh 